When I was younger, I wanted to be a doctor or a secret agent; never would I have thought that I would end up being an alcoholic or addict. No one dreams this could happen to them or someone they love, but this disease is insidious and I understand that today. Hi, my name is Chelsea Mee; I am from Pickerington, Ohio (right outside of Columbus) and I’m 23 years old. On September 10th, I will be celebrating 2 years of sobriety. At 23, I figured I would have been graduated from college and working a grown up job in an office somewhere, but the life I have today is so much better than I could have ever imagined. I am a Marketing Director and Addiction Specialist, and soon to be a licensed interventionist.

How it was…

I had my first real “drunk” at 13; it was a disaster. I remember bits and pieces of that night, but I know that when I first walked in, I felt insecure and alone; when I started drinking alcohol, I felt that oh-so-relatable “ah-hah” moment that so many people talk about. I finally found the piece of me that was missing after so many years: a drink. I felt on top of the world but made a complete fool of myself; I couldn’t stop putting the drinks down my throat. This continued in my drinking career: I didn’t know how to stop myself from drinking once I started. And once I started drinking, I lost all control and turned into someone that I wasn’t.

All throughout high school, I would drink any chance I got, but somehow I always got caught! But even grounding me and taking my phone away never stopped me; I would always find a way to get what I wanted. I tried the notorious “gateway drug,” marijuana, but I only smoked it to fit in. I went on to graduate high school with an honors letter (I have no idea how that happened, honestly) and graduated from alcohol to trying drugs. I experimented with Molly, Xanax, and mixing all of those with alcohol. I would always be that girl who would beg for more until I got it, because it felt so good. I saw that all this partying and drug use was making my life a little bit unmanageable; I had to drop out of college. I decided I was going to clean up my act and stop doing those drugs, and only drink.

There was a month where I binge drank EVERYDAY. I would wake up, drink a McDonald’s Diet Coke (the only thing that ever cured my hangovers) and start drinking again. My mother called to confront me about my drinking during this month, and explained to me that alcoholism runs in our family and to be careful. I responded with the classic, “Mom, I’m a college kid! This is what we do! This is normal for people my age!” Mind you, I had dropped out of college the semester before because drinking was far more important to me, so I was just being a low-life 19 year old.

Then I met this guy at a friends garage party who I had gone to high school with, but we never talked. He made me laugh and smile, and I felt like he was the one. We started dating and I was the happiest girl alive. He helped me through getting my wisdom teeth out, and brought me over some Oxy to help with the pain. After doing that pill, I was convinced that I had found the two things that I have always wanted: love and love. I began obsessing over the pill and became extremely codependent on the guy. I fell in love fast and I was completely okay with it. We got “pre-engaged” and I was ready to spend the rest of my life with this guy. The pills took me to a deep and dark place, and I became a monster. I would blame him if I couldn’t get a pill, and would treat him terribly. After a blurry night of fighting, he was gone. A year and a half of my life, but it felt like forever. My heart was broken and I had no idea how to cope with how I was feeling. I would literally put any substance I could find to make me numb from the pain in my chest. It felt as if my life was over.

I started doing things I thought I would never do just to get pills to A) not be sick from withdrawal and B) fill the emptiness in my heart. In the process, I was asked to resign from my job because I went in drunk multiple times, I lost friends because I didn’t want anyone to know how I was living my life, and I broke the hearts of the people that loved me. I was on a downward spiral and my life was completely unmanageable.

What happened…

Luckily, my mom caught me before I did anything else stupid and I went to my first treatment. After a few weeks and an attempt at IOP (intensive outpatient) I went back upstairs after a relapse. From there I was sent to North Carolina for year-long program; I lasted 28 days. I was then sent down to Florida, and turned 21 while in treatment. I couldn’t cope with the fact that I couldn’t go and buy a “legal drink” for myself. So I said screw it I’m not an alcoholic, I just can’t do pills anymore. So I started drinking low key while in treatment and living at my halfway house.

On September 9th, 2012, me and my best friend at the time went on a “sunday funday bar hop adventure” which turned into “we’re too drunk to ride our bikes back to the halfway house, we’re going to have to call our roommate to pick us up.” Long story short, someone told the halfway techs that I was drunk, which led to me hiding in random places to not get caught. When the tech found me, I was asked to go to the office and take a breathalyzer test. Of course I failed, and I told her I was not going back to detox. My plan was to pack my bags and go back to the bar. Then I looked around me, and all of the friends I had made in treatment were smiling and laughing and they were all happy; this was the first time I was actually jealous of sober people. So I went back to the treatment’s detox and realized I was tired of living that way.

I went to the meeting that was brought in by H&I and for the first time in 6 months, I listened. 5 treatment centers in 6 months, I had finally understood that I had a problem. I listened and I followed the suggestions: I went to meetings, I got a sponsor, I got a homegroup, I worked the 12 steps and received a spiritual awakening, and I started helping others. I then moved from Lake Worth, FL to Delray Beach, FL, where I literally knew no one; I needed a fresh start for my sanity. I was scared and felt alone, but people were so welcoming and nice. I made friends and continued working a program of recovery. I started working in treatment and working with sponsees. I had made friends that I could call family and I was free.

What its like now…

Today, I am living back in Columbus, OH and I help people today. I am able to be a daughter and a sister today; I’m able to be an employee and a friend today; I’m able to be a mom to my wonderful dog, Jillian, today (I can take care of something other than myself!); I still have my flaws and issues (no one is perfect) but I wouldn’t change my life today for anything. I burned a lot of bridges in my active addiction, but I am able to work on mending those bridges and to make sure I am the best person I can be every day. I am truly grateful that I chose to give recovery a shot, because I have a life beyond my wildest dreams. Recovery is possible, all you have to do is want it!